In between...

In between

I’m caught betwixt two spinning worlds
Clam’ring for attention
Sounding off their midnight chimes
Mixing sleep with tension.

Poetry is all I have
to settle this dispute
giving voice to feelings deep
that lie within me mute.

The boredom of this moment now
Compels me to decide
What it worse, “To go or stay?”
To dismount now or ride?

It’s seems like everybody else
Coasts along just fine
Living life without a hitch
Working five from nine.

I wish at times all noise would hush
And I could get some peace,
Sipping coffee by the fire
Warm within my fleece.

The simple life is such a draw
when all I feel is lost,
I wonder if there’s sweet relief
A crown beyond this cross.

I’m sure I’m making more of this
than what is really there
it’s probably a faze of life
ridden with despair.

But what if I’m supposed to feel
The way I do inside?
Wouldn’t it be worse to turn
my back, then run and hide?

My highs are high, my lows or low
I feel bad for my friends,
They have to tire of my thoughts
That lead me to dead ends.

Sometimes I wonder if I’m not
a burden to the world,
there is no time for men like me,
who act just like a girl.

But what about the man of old
Who ached with longing heart
Asking not for pain to cease,
But living torn apart.

Pieces scattered to the world
Sowing words inside
The hearts of those who line the road
Desperate for a ride.

Upon the back of someone else
Who feels the things they do
Unafraid to shed to shell
Displaying residue.

I wonder if I weave these words
To validate my plight,
To give me strength to brave the day,
A solace in the night.

Or do I pen these thoughts in hopes
That they will plant the seeds
Of freedom in the heart of one
Who’s buried in the weeds.

Overwhelmed with sorrows chill
Overcome with doubt
Inundated with the thought
Of finally checking out.

What if these thoughts of “in between”
Dispel the morbid lie,
That “no one else can feel my pain,
I might as well just die.”

It seems to me that I’ve become
The scapegoat for my brother
The one who tells the secret things
That most won’t dare uncover.

It puts me in an awkward place
Since I’m supposed to be
The one who leads with confidence
And not fragility.

So here I stand without a clue
The signs point both directions
Poking fun at all my quirks
Seducing my affections.

There’s days when I could fall apart
And others where I’m fine,
But more than not I’m questioning
My calling all the time.

I know I wear my feelings on
The shirt sleeve that you see,
But that alternative is what
I’ve found to shelter me.

Keeping me from falling down
And never getting up,
If this reveals the will of God
Then I will drink this cup.

For now it’s best I’m in between
The worlds that summon me,
For here I find my heart astir
And that is all I need.