very scared...

I awoke this morning to a very different world than I drifted away from last night as I bedded down. Heidi shoke my arm and I was aroused out of REM sleep. Heidi, with an urgency in her voice, told me that our daughter, Taylor, for some reason, couldn't walk. She was laying on the floor all happy and playing with Aly, but when asked to get up and go downstairs, she just mumbled something about not being able to. At first, I thought she was just pulling a little 2 year old stunt that she learned from her sisters along the way. But as I kept bribing her with various things that normally snap her into action, she was sluggish to respond. I grabbed her hand and helped her stand, but she was quite shaky. Heidi told me that she couldn't move her legs, but there was something inside me that refused to believe that. I don't know what that thing inside you is that kicks in when something like this happens, but it's a mix of denial and hope that makes you feel like you can miraculously change reality. With every moment that went by, and with every failed attempt to lead her out of this funk, my heart grew more and more fearful. I had her come up and lay in my bed with me. We laughed and talked like nothing was wrong, but when it came time to get up and get ready to leave, she tried to stand and walk forward. She really tried, but it was like her brain couldn't move her left leg. Every movement she made was cohersed and unnatural. I tood her hand to help her forward, but she just complained that she wanted to be picked up. Heidi took her downstairs and she just sat on the couch the whole time and watched cartoons...the whole time without so much as an attempt to move around. This is not normal...we can't keep her in one place for one minute of one day. She loves to move about with unfettered joy.

As we got up to take Kami and Aly to school, we gave one final shot at her walking. Again, no response. None. What scares me the most is that I asked her if her leg hurt and she said, "No...no hurt." NO HURT! WHAT THE HECK IS THAT ALL ABOUT! That's what my insides are screaming as I pick her up and take her to the car. All at once, my mind is racing with possibilities. Heidi said that it could be attached to something that happened a few days ago. She fell down the stairs pretty hard. Maybe there's some nerve thing going on. I cringe to think it could be something neurological...that is when my insides knot up and I start to feel faint.

I just hope that you'll pray for us today. We are heading to the doctor's office at 11:00am to try to find out what's going on. I hope it's a bruise or even a broken leg at this point. But I'm scared, I'm really scared it's something more...and I don't know if I can handle that.