This was a response to an email I got from a student from my former youth ministry. He wrote a couple page email recounting the past, acknowledging the exchanges of influence and impact, spoke thanks into my heart, asked amazing questions and shared his own honest quest for truth. It was beautifully "out of nowhere". It was something that happens so infrequently in our "information age", our technologized friendship, where you become everyone's no one, lost in anonymity and triviality. I thought it might spark a revolution in a heart or two out there who is starving for intimacy in a world of information...(Thank you, Caleb Barrows, for being the rare "10th Leper")...
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Bro... As I absorbed your words, your affirmation and your thoughts yesterday, I was struck with several emotions. The main emotion is that of "meaning". It felt full of meaning, meaningful. These days there are few people who will actually sit down and take time to write a note of your size and scope. It's alot of trite comments on facebook and an occasional, "Hey, how ya' doin'...I'm good...hope all is well." And that's it. I, myself, am guilty of similar superficiality. I'm becoming sadly content with this triviality...thanks for the stark reminder of a different way of living. When I saying "Meaning", I am thinking more of substance, gravitos--a weight of glory as C.S. Lewis would have described it. Something that treats life with the affectionate handling it deserves. A life that labors for the preservation of that which matters...things like friendship, conversation, appreciation, family, legacy, history, beauty, kingdom...those everlasting blessings that we have been impregnated with by our Creator. When I get an email like yours out of nowhere, I am reminded that there are still souls who function as "keepers of the flame", souls who don't get so caught up in the frantic, frenetic flurry of aimless busyness that they lose touch with the "matters that matter". A soul who remembers the past (how rare is that) and comes back like the 10th leper to say "thanks". A soul who tries as hard as he can to put words to feelings instead of just settling for "oh, it's hard to explain" or "I don't have time to get into it". A soul that wrestles to know God and gets worn out in his quest for communion with the Ineffable. A soul that takes time to press beyond sappy sentimentality through three sentence, token emails of shallow reconnection toward thought-through, thought-provoking, thoughtful collections of paragraphs worth their weight in gold. Gold, I say. Thanks for being meaningful is a world of meaninglessness. The very thing that we are craving, "Power", I'm learning is found in these precious and priceless things like writing, taking time to ask one more question, listening to the inklings of our heart and responding to their textures. What you did was powerful. And in a world of powder, that was a welcomed change. To answer a question you asked, "I do sometimes wonder if I'm missing something." I've searched high and low for what that mystery-thing is. Is it the Spirit and the gifts? Is it artistic expression? Is it more education? Is it community? Is it kindred friendship? Is it stoggies and fine wine? Is it powerful narratives found within good literature or good movies? Is it more time in the Word or Prayer? What the heck is missing? Is anything missing or am I groaning for what I will always be groaning for this side of Heaven? So to answer your question by not answering your question, "yes, but I'm just as empty handed as yesterday and the day before that and the month before that, and the year before that and so on." But I must be on this expedition. This is the ache of my calling, this is the pang of my heart. The thrill of the hunt beckons me on, bids me come. I can do no other. I don't know if I'll ever find the "treasure of great price", the "crowned jewel", the "holy grail" if you will...but I will keep the hounds poised and the flashlight powered, and if I die, I will die searching, seeking, starving for truth, and truth in its nakedness. I hope this ambition will continue to be the throbbing passion of your soul. You make me proud and I'm honored to have a disciple like you following in my train. I'm eager to see what God has in store for your heart. Until next time. Grace, Peace and Love. Jason
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