It's hard to write when you're so busy living. I just haven't had the mental space even in my free moments to muster up the motivation to write. Usually writing is cathartic for me and helps me rehabilitate and defragment my cramped and cluttered thoughts. But lately it's just felt like an obligation, and I don't write out of obligation. I know, that means I'm not a serious writer.
But today I have something to write, not much, but something.
Today is the day before tomorrow and tomorrow is the day we leave for Ethiopia to meet our sons who we are adopting, Joshua and Caleb. I'm filled with terror and joy. Anxiousness and Anticipation. It's hard to capture the mixture of emotions with adequate words. The surreal has become very real in the last day especially. Almost a ready-or-not-here-we-go mixed with a smidgen of here-goes-nothin'. Wholesale uncertainty meeting inarguable calling clash like Titans on the battlefield of my mind. And yet, there is perfect peace that casts out fear and surpasses understanding.
I am asking for anyone and everyone to send up "prayer flares" to God on our behalf. Pray for Heidi and I to connect deeply on this trip and to share childlike conversation with each other. Pray for our initial encounter with our sons who will not know they are our sons nor see us as their parents but as white strangers from another planet (but for the intercession of saints leading to the intersection of the Spirit preparing their little hearts for our family). Pray for true connection, not even bonding per se, but just a relaxed sense of trust and freedom and play and levity. Pray for our times with them to be covered with an unusual sense of providence and grace. Pray for their little hearts to hear God's voice like Samuel or to feel God's compulsion in infancy like John the Baptist kicking in his momma's womb. Pray for miraculous maturity and marvelous chemistry between us. Pray for our interaction with their homeland and their family that we will meet. Pray for our hearts to be protected from being hurt if things don't align emotionally with our desired outcome. Pray for us to "let things happen" resisting the urge to "make things happen". Pray for us to see these boys as sons the minute we lay our eyes on them. Pray for us to communicate through body language in a way that they understand and absorb into their little spirits. Pray for our spirits to unite as one.
Tomorrow we are traveling over land and sea to see our sons. We do not know where this adventure will take us, but we know our Tour Guide and he has always been faithful and true.
It's this simple: God has clearly called our family to do this and we are obeying this call. The rest is unknown and in the hands of our merciful God.