It's been a week of polarized emotions for me. I think I've enjoyed life so thoroughly in some moments that I forget I'm not in heaven, and other moments I can't believe I'm not in hell itself.
Maybe this is just the nature of living in a world that is both groaning for redemption (Romans 8) and declaring the glories of God (Psalm 19). One moment it is taking you up and the next it is taking you out. I can experience both feelings of pathos (pathetically) within moments of each other. From a T-bone steak to a "bit of bad beef" as we've talked about before.
I really wish we could get together more to see each other's faces and hear each other's voices. That's probably why Paul had these exact sentiments when he was writing the churches...he speaks often of his desire to see their faces and to meet up with them. I think writing is a beautiful medium to share your heart, but it lacks the cherry on top. It's just not complete.
I long for life as much as ever. The pangs of passion still are beating on the drums of my heart. Pining is at an all time high. Dreaming has never seen a better day. And maybe it is the last bit of fulfillment in about every arena that keeps you leaning toward the kingdom, because even if we could set things up perfectly in this world, we would still leave the experience yearning. But it doesn't meanw we should give up on the "kingdom come" lifestyle in the here and now, right? It doesn't mean you slink into resignation and settle for crumbs at the great feast of life. I intend to pull up to the table and eat with both hands, no silverware, no napkins--enjoying the extravagance of God like a kid at a carnival. At least this is my affection's affinity. I just hope it doesn't result in affectation instead. Affection's nemesis is Affectation. At least for me.
I fished twice this week. Oh, how I loved that.
I swam in our new pool in the backyard with the girls.
I read some amazing stuff from Donald Miller and Erwin McManus.
I got to study "mirth" this week...who gets to study mirth and get paid for it?
I had two young guys I'm working with declare their newfound intent to go into ministry...that's a cool thing, hugh?
I saw Public Enemies last night...great flick...great cinematography!
I met with a guy who has a big dream to do something great for God.
I met with a couple getting married that saved themselves for marriage after four years of dating...that's rare these days.
I played "Gorilla beats the Man" with my daughters this week.
I had a great creative programming meeting with my team this week. Imagination just stirs up my spirit somethin' fierce.
There's more, I'm almost sure of it. And I must fix my eyes on the "have's" not the "have not's". And I have alot. An awful lot. An awesome lot.
And one of the things I have is "you". For the first time in my life I have someone to write a little note like this to. I can share my heart with kindred spirits who have a penchant for similar delicacies. I don't have to keep this to myself. And that, my brothers, is a little slice of heaven to be sure. Probably what I'm looking forward to most about heaven aside from meeting Jesus face to face, is the opportunity to sit with friends for hours, days, and years...enjoying the eternal bliss of swapping stories and making stories...free from the resistance of jobs, duties, distractions, temptations, trials, and most importantly SIN. This day is coming, but for now, we must fight for it in the now. And this blessing is reserved for those who will not tire of the battle for brotherhood. We don't have to wait for then and there, it's now and here, if we will but seek it wholeheartedly...it's wholeheartedly, or holeheartedly.
I've live too many years holeheartedly...and I don't mean to return to that culturally acceptable place. It feigns fulfillment, but it is filled with holes, some pin holes, some gapping holes, but holes nonetheless.
So, thank you.
Thank you for filling those holes with your presence, giving me a shot at being whole.
With masculine love...