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Showing posts from January, 2009

taciturn and tentative...

It never ceases to amaze me.
One day you're in a stride gliding effortlessly across the continuum of life only to wake the next day feeling like a different person altogether.  What was fluid yesterday is clogged today, jammed with conflicting emotions and insecurities.  If you would have asked me yesterday how I was doing, you would have heard something like, "Life is good.  I feel free and centered."  If you were to ask me this morning, I would say something like, "Life is leaky and leaking.  I can't put my finger on it, but something spilled out last night in my sleep and I woke up empty and pathetic."   
This is the curse of being human.  Finite and fragile.  Prone to atrophy and entropy.  
I'm forever tangled in the web that conjoins the kingdom of heaven and the fiefdom of earth.  Some days I feel like the spider skating across its surface hovering above safe and sound, other days I feel like a fly caught within its crisscrossed clutches...my convuls…

yesssss...

Longing is the umbilical cord of the higher life. -Kierkegaard

a-muse-ment...i don't think so...

Well, my favorite shows are back on.24 and Lost.I know that some people pit these shows against each other, but I’m an integrationalist by nature.I also like the Office and American Idol.The American Idol thing is especially unique in that I can watch it with my girls.The laughter and mirth we share is transcendent.I know that I’ve written before about my love of story and the idea of living a storied life, but I don’t think you understand.I soak in story like a taproot.I marinate in it.I gestate.I percolate.It flows in and out, through and through.It is romanticized, yes.But it is romantic even more.It is vicarious, yes.But it is so much more than that.It is a wellspring of life giving nourishment to the soul looking for a picture of what is and what could be if only...I realize, believe me, that none of the aforementioned four shows serve to speak perfectly, or deeply for that matter, to my soul’s yearnings, but they do shake certain desires out of their slumber and these desires pa…

hidden love...

Proverbs 27:5 - "Better is open rebuke than hidden love."_________________________________________Some days I wonder how much people are holding in, holding back.I wonder what they would look like if they could just let their hair down.What would they look like if they weren’t covering themselves with that dang Edenic fig leaf?That covering that spoke of secrecy, withdrawal, and suppression.What would people say that they don’t for fear of sounding juvenile?What would people do if they knew they wouldn’t fail?What would people let out--blurt out—if they weren’t guaranteed immunity from the label—stupid?I see how people live.I watch the goings on of humanity.I see the pent up passion that is looking for a runway to land on.People are cagey because they are caged up inside, shackled to insecurity and inferiority.They have so much to offer, but they are scared to do so, scarred from offerings in the past that have been turned down and turned against them.And so they hide.We hid…

My daughters cast a spell...

Last night we had a family over for dinner...the Stewart's.  They have two boys around Kami and Aly's age (9 and 7).  We weren't sure how the girls were going to do with entertaining boys, but we thought it would be a good time for them to start knowing how to adapt and interact with the peculiarities of the opposite sex.
When they arrived, the boys had brought over their "Build-a-Bear" stuffed animals to show the girls.  Our girls have their own, but they are naturally more girly.  I don't know exactly what their animals were, but they had a more masculine garb on that said, "Don't mess with me."  Classic Boy.
The girls took them upstairs to show them their rooms and to show off their bears...we watched them go and made our way into the kitchen to mingle and get the Mexican feast together.  In about fifteen minutes, things were ready and we called them to the table for feasting.  After dinner, they went down into the basement and started dancing …

this 'by faith' business...

Liquid Courage.
What a ingenious description for alcohol!  
And it seems to me people are looking for courage to face the day.  I am.
There is so little encouragement to sustain the output. There is so little courage in the tank on any given Monday morning to get to Friday.
Meager fumes can only last so long.
I don't drink alcohol...but I know what drives a person to the bottle.  The insatiable longing for courage, even if only for a moment--and that just an affectation.  To swell up with robust confidence and charisma.  To grow a pair and move toward your fear.  To hear God even, deep inside your being, whisper "Peace be still".  That is the calming voice I don't feel I've been hearing lately...not as I desire...not as I need.
I haven't slept well for five days now.  My soul is tired.  My body beleaguered.  My eyes swollen and my neck muscles cramped with stress.  I need a massage.  I need a full body massage.  I need a full being massage.  Inside and Out.  Upside …

Jonesin' for Disney...

Well, it's Saturday morning and I'm sitting in my favorite coffee shop, Voyages.  It actually doesn't open for another 20 minutes, but they let me in as long as I locked the door behind me and kept the lights off.  So I'm sitting in the dark tickling my Mac Notebook keys trying to wake my heart up to the day ahead.  
2009 is here and I've been thinking about New Year's Resolutions.  I don't have any as of yet, but I want to set my sails toward a few things.  I know I want to lose a little weight and take another crack at some additional muscle mass.  I'm not a corpulent lard or anything, but I do feel soft and flabby, a long way from what I used to be back in my soccer-playing-college-days.  I was a chiseled chump sporting a well-sculpted six pack.  It seems like another lifetime.
I'm excited about the new year.  I have some schematics in place to make this a year to remember.  These schematics involved fathering, husbanding, pastoring, adventuring, f…