when it rains, it pours...
I don't even have to ask if you've ever had "one" of "those" weeks where it just seems that all of Hell's fury is unleashed against you in small incremental rations. It wasn't like anything profoundly traumatic happened, it was just the compound fracture of everyday life heaping its fruits of depravity into your whicker basket. Let me give you the horrific timeline (I'll edit it some so as to not bore you with my bellyaching)...
Last Saturday out of no where...by 31 year old left foot just started throbbing with pain. It wasn't an ankle sprain and I couldn't trace it back to any particular strain, but as I leaned into my car to grab a cd, I felt a little click and a sharp pain. I thought nothing off it at first thinking it was probably a pinched nerve or some irregular anomaly that would wear off within the next few minutes. Oh no, I still feel it today. I've been limping all over the place. I'll get back to this a little later on in the blog.
Early in the week, I just felt a malaise over my heart. Again, I couldn't attribute it to much of anything specific, but I could feel the oppression wrapping its tenticles around my heart and squeezing the life out of me. On Tuesday, I went out ot lunch with this guy and somewhere in the middle of going to lunch and getting back to the office, I lost my new cell phone that I just got three weeks ago. I had lost my cell phone for about a year and finally we were up for a free replacement. Three weeks in, it's gone and I haven't a clue as to where it went. I was mildly ticked. Remember, it was early on in the week and it was just the start of my not so good very bad week. I looked and looked, limping from one location to the next, but to no avail. I felt like an immature, irresponsible smuck. I just got my new cell phone and I would have to wait one year and 49 weeks to recieve my next free replacement.
Wednesday was where things really heated up. After I worked that day, I went home before Tech Team meeting and Band Practice only to find a bill hanging on the door for our gas. I was expecting it to be a ton less than the month before since we had gotten new windows and new doors put it over the past few months. I opened it up and to my "shock and awe", it was more, much more! I felt my jaw clench and my spirit shrivel. I walked into the house and before I could say it, Heidi said it first, "You aren't going to believe this!" as she held up another bill. (At least it appeared to be a bill from across the room) "What?" I sighed. "We just got a notice that our taxes went up significantly this past year and we have to pay x amount more that we already paid." (let me just say that the x amount was four figures and beyond our ability to pay I assure you.) I lifted my little door hanger gift for her to see and we both just sat there stunned in the living room as the contricting squeeze of financial insecurity took it's hold and twisted our stomachs into knots. (those of you with financial pressure know this feeling intimately) I went back to church a shell of a man. With every blow, I felt large chunks of my heart breaking away and floating out to sea. I couldn't even hide my crestfallen spirit that evening.
Thursday was my day off. Heidi had a ton to do that day between cleaning and running errands, so I was home with Taylor and Aly for most of the day. Believe me, there are days when parenting is nothing short of bliss, but when you're worn and weary, it can be the most exhausting and emotionally demanding responsibility on the planet. All I could think about was "nap time", a break in the day when the girls go down for a nap and I can rest my mind and body on our pillow top matress. I laid them down and for some reason, they weren't interested in taking a nap on this day. This is rare. Usually they go down so well, but they kept waking each other up and playing and talking and giggling and singing. I was infuriated, but there was nothing I could do. Spanking doesn't usually calm a kid down bringing about feelings of fatigue...it is counter productive around nap time. So I was left with one option, forget the nap and take them downstairs and watch another cheap Barbie animation. Some days, I can stomach the cheezy princess lingo, the gaudy fairy tale motif and the whole bit, but on this day, every scene just reminded me of the futility of life. I know, that's a weird reminder, but I couldn't shake the feeling of waste and worthlessness. I just had no ambition. And I'm abnormally ambitious for anyone who knows me.
I was gearing up to make a recovery on Friday. It was my second day off and I intended to relax and read and write and refresh my weary and crippled body. My foot continued to ache, but I set out to get some used crutches and beat this thing. We took the girls to school and Heidi headed out to clean a couple houses. I played with Taylor at McDonald's playland and then went to the YMCA to lift weights. (Guys with a noticable limp don't fit in at the Y). I picked up Aly from School and then we went to Taco Bell to get some lunch and head over to the School to eat with Kami for her lunch period. She complained some of feeling sick, but we thought she was just trying to get out of school. No sooner did I get home and get Taylor and Aly down for their naps that I got a call from the school to come pick up Kami. She was complaining of an ear ache, soar throat and a fever. A couple of guys were working on our bathroom pounding and clanking around (did I mention that these noises don't help the body relax) and since they were from my church, I asked if they would stay with the napping girls while I went to get my eldest from school. When I picked her up, I brought her home and called Heidi to see what I should do. This was no ordinary sickness, she was moaning and holding her head like she was about to explode. Heidi set up an appt. immediately and rushed home. We decided that she could take the two younger ones to clean with her (not very enjoyable) and I would take Kami to the doctor.
The problem was, the car was about out of gas (my fault) and so I told Heidi I would have to take her to clean and along the way fill a gas can and bring it back to fill up the car. I was so ticked at myself. Taking her to clean was the opposite way of the doctor's office, but we had no choice.
We arrived at the doctor's office (the same doctor I just visited the day before to get an x-ray on my foot (there was no conclusive evidence of any bone problems...he looked at me like I was faking it!) I held Kami as this doctor tried to get simple things like vitals. Kami is deathly afraid of doctors because of all of her surgeries and medical exams over the years. When it came time for the doctor to swab her throat to see if she had strep, Kami callapsed in uncontrollable hysteria. I tried gentle encouragement, whipers of love, embraces of affection, until I was left with no other option than threatening her with a group of nurses coming in to hold her down. She was so terrified, I couldn't be mad at her, but oddly enough, I was fighting that emotion. My heart had little capacity for patience and I felt like a brute beast inside. Finally she let the doctor do what she had to do, but not without dry heaves and convultions and weaping and nashing of teeth. It was horrible.
We were given a prescription and Heidi said that I could stop by Meijer's drive through pharmacy to get it filled. I waiting in a line of cars for about fifteen minutes while Kami moaned in the back seat. I finally got to the window and gave her my little sheet with the scribbles of the doctor indicating what medicine Kami needed. She couldn't find her name in the computer for the longest time and then realized she was spelling it wrong after a couple minutes. Eventually she came to me and said (I thought) "It will be a couple minutes". So I waited with this screaming child for about two minutes until I heard the sound of the women's voice coming through the speaker trying to get my attention through my closed windown. I rolled down my window and she said, "Sir, I need for you to pull over to the parking lot." I said, "I thought it was just a couple minutues." She said, "No, it's about 20 minutes." I was fuming by this time. I pulled over to the parking lot and it took me about 1 minute to realize that Kami wasn't going to make it for that long. She needed a bed and a puke pan. I raced her home (10 minutes away) and decided I would get the construction workers to watch her while I raced back to get the medicine. I got the gas can and thought I would get some gas for the car while I was at it. I got into town, filled the gas can, went over to the drive thru pharmacy and waited in an even longer line of cars to get the prescription. I finally got it after about twenty minutes and raced home to get some to Kami. Just then, Heidi called and needed to be picked up, so I left my sick girl with the construction workers and went a grabbed her and the little ones.
In my haste to get her in a timely fashion, I forgot that a full can of gas was in the back. You guessed it, it tipped over and spilled all over the place. The car smelled so bad I felt like Kueter in Dukes of Hazzard. Heidi was rightly mad, and I was about to blow a gasket. I raced them home and Heidi sent me into town again to get some saltine crackers for Kami. While I was gone, she puked and Heidi had to clean that up. While Kami was puking Heidi heard a loud crash in the kitchen and low and behold a couple glass containers fell and crashed into a thousand pieces on the floor. The 30 minutes I was gone didn't let up for Heidi at the homefront.
I got to Meijer...a place that I felt like I'd been to about twenty times that day and started walking to the entrance. I could barely walk my foot was in so much pain. I had been on it all day running to and fro and it was about spent. As I walked through the doors and was greeted by an elderly women offering me coupons, I looked to my right and my eye caught a little parking lot of three wheeled scooters primary reserved for the eldery. My foot hurt so bad that I thought, "I need one of those." I mozzied over to the Amigos (or whatever they're called) and hopped on one. I flipped a switch and started backing out when I was brought to a neck wrenching halt. I forgot to unplug it from the wall. Woopsie Daisy! The senior citizen greeter women came over and gave me some advice, she knew these machines like the back of her hand. She help me out and sent me off into the wonderland of groceries. The little tires didn't rotate more than 20 times when I was overwhelmed with the realization that everyone was staring at me and that I was Lowell's #1 Space Cadet worthy of a front page article in the Ledger. My heart started racing and my stomach got all those butterflies you get when you're experiencing a rush. And you know what? Do you think I could find the saltine cracker aisle? Nope. I'm tooling around in this battery operated moped with a little steel basket on the front and I can't find crackers. The whole time I was just praying that I wouldn't run into anyone that I knew. I feared that I would, which explains the whole rush feeling. My adrenaline was just surging through my veins. I finally got some crackers which looked kinda lonely in that little container hangin off the handle bars, so in my embarrasement for using this scooter to pick up a box of saltines, I felt compelled to fill it so that I looked legit. I quickly manuvered my way to the ice cream aisle and picked up two boxes of ice cream bars. It filled the basket quite nicely.
As I was making my way to the check out line, I spotted (of all people) a guy that I went to college with in Clarks Summit, PA. I couldn't believe my eyes. I dodged a hippi couple and hid behind a huge stack of Juicy Juice boxes. When they passed, I darted out into the open and made my way to the self check out line. My credit card wouldn't process and so I was caught there for what seemed like an eternity. I parked my little three wheeler, and hit the road faster than you could say, "Jason is a raving moron."
I returned home to find my wife about ready to string herself up in the garage. Eventually, we put them to bed and just recounted the horrors of the week. I could share more, but my fingers are sore. I think I'll soak them in the same tub of epsom salt water that I'm soaking my feet in right now. Lord Jesus, come quickly.
Last Saturday out of no where...by 31 year old left foot just started throbbing with pain. It wasn't an ankle sprain and I couldn't trace it back to any particular strain, but as I leaned into my car to grab a cd, I felt a little click and a sharp pain. I thought nothing off it at first thinking it was probably a pinched nerve or some irregular anomaly that would wear off within the next few minutes. Oh no, I still feel it today. I've been limping all over the place. I'll get back to this a little later on in the blog.
Early in the week, I just felt a malaise over my heart. Again, I couldn't attribute it to much of anything specific, but I could feel the oppression wrapping its tenticles around my heart and squeezing the life out of me. On Tuesday, I went out ot lunch with this guy and somewhere in the middle of going to lunch and getting back to the office, I lost my new cell phone that I just got three weeks ago. I had lost my cell phone for about a year and finally we were up for a free replacement. Three weeks in, it's gone and I haven't a clue as to where it went. I was mildly ticked. Remember, it was early on in the week and it was just the start of my not so good very bad week. I looked and looked, limping from one location to the next, but to no avail. I felt like an immature, irresponsible smuck. I just got my new cell phone and I would have to wait one year and 49 weeks to recieve my next free replacement.
Wednesday was where things really heated up. After I worked that day, I went home before Tech Team meeting and Band Practice only to find a bill hanging on the door for our gas. I was expecting it to be a ton less than the month before since we had gotten new windows and new doors put it over the past few months. I opened it up and to my "shock and awe", it was more, much more! I felt my jaw clench and my spirit shrivel. I walked into the house and before I could say it, Heidi said it first, "You aren't going to believe this!" as she held up another bill. (At least it appeared to be a bill from across the room) "What?" I sighed. "We just got a notice that our taxes went up significantly this past year and we have to pay x amount more that we already paid." (let me just say that the x amount was four figures and beyond our ability to pay I assure you.) I lifted my little door hanger gift for her to see and we both just sat there stunned in the living room as the contricting squeeze of financial insecurity took it's hold and twisted our stomachs into knots. (those of you with financial pressure know this feeling intimately) I went back to church a shell of a man. With every blow, I felt large chunks of my heart breaking away and floating out to sea. I couldn't even hide my crestfallen spirit that evening.
Thursday was my day off. Heidi had a ton to do that day between cleaning and running errands, so I was home with Taylor and Aly for most of the day. Believe me, there are days when parenting is nothing short of bliss, but when you're worn and weary, it can be the most exhausting and emotionally demanding responsibility on the planet. All I could think about was "nap time", a break in the day when the girls go down for a nap and I can rest my mind and body on our pillow top matress. I laid them down and for some reason, they weren't interested in taking a nap on this day. This is rare. Usually they go down so well, but they kept waking each other up and playing and talking and giggling and singing. I was infuriated, but there was nothing I could do. Spanking doesn't usually calm a kid down bringing about feelings of fatigue...it is counter productive around nap time. So I was left with one option, forget the nap and take them downstairs and watch another cheap Barbie animation. Some days, I can stomach the cheezy princess lingo, the gaudy fairy tale motif and the whole bit, but on this day, every scene just reminded me of the futility of life. I know, that's a weird reminder, but I couldn't shake the feeling of waste and worthlessness. I just had no ambition. And I'm abnormally ambitious for anyone who knows me.
I was gearing up to make a recovery on Friday. It was my second day off and I intended to relax and read and write and refresh my weary and crippled body. My foot continued to ache, but I set out to get some used crutches and beat this thing. We took the girls to school and Heidi headed out to clean a couple houses. I played with Taylor at McDonald's playland and then went to the YMCA to lift weights. (Guys with a noticable limp don't fit in at the Y). I picked up Aly from School and then we went to Taco Bell to get some lunch and head over to the School to eat with Kami for her lunch period. She complained some of feeling sick, but we thought she was just trying to get out of school. No sooner did I get home and get Taylor and Aly down for their naps that I got a call from the school to come pick up Kami. She was complaining of an ear ache, soar throat and a fever. A couple of guys were working on our bathroom pounding and clanking around (did I mention that these noises don't help the body relax) and since they were from my church, I asked if they would stay with the napping girls while I went to get my eldest from school. When I picked her up, I brought her home and called Heidi to see what I should do. This was no ordinary sickness, she was moaning and holding her head like she was about to explode. Heidi set up an appt. immediately and rushed home. We decided that she could take the two younger ones to clean with her (not very enjoyable) and I would take Kami to the doctor.
The problem was, the car was about out of gas (my fault) and so I told Heidi I would have to take her to clean and along the way fill a gas can and bring it back to fill up the car. I was so ticked at myself. Taking her to clean was the opposite way of the doctor's office, but we had no choice.
We arrived at the doctor's office (the same doctor I just visited the day before to get an x-ray on my foot (there was no conclusive evidence of any bone problems...he looked at me like I was faking it!) I held Kami as this doctor tried to get simple things like vitals. Kami is deathly afraid of doctors because of all of her surgeries and medical exams over the years. When it came time for the doctor to swab her throat to see if she had strep, Kami callapsed in uncontrollable hysteria. I tried gentle encouragement, whipers of love, embraces of affection, until I was left with no other option than threatening her with a group of nurses coming in to hold her down. She was so terrified, I couldn't be mad at her, but oddly enough, I was fighting that emotion. My heart had little capacity for patience and I felt like a brute beast inside. Finally she let the doctor do what she had to do, but not without dry heaves and convultions and weaping and nashing of teeth. It was horrible.
We were given a prescription and Heidi said that I could stop by Meijer's drive through pharmacy to get it filled. I waiting in a line of cars for about fifteen minutes while Kami moaned in the back seat. I finally got to the window and gave her my little sheet with the scribbles of the doctor indicating what medicine Kami needed. She couldn't find her name in the computer for the longest time and then realized she was spelling it wrong after a couple minutes. Eventually she came to me and said (I thought) "It will be a couple minutes". So I waited with this screaming child for about two minutes until I heard the sound of the women's voice coming through the speaker trying to get my attention through my closed windown. I rolled down my window and she said, "Sir, I need for you to pull over to the parking lot." I said, "I thought it was just a couple minutues." She said, "No, it's about 20 minutes." I was fuming by this time. I pulled over to the parking lot and it took me about 1 minute to realize that Kami wasn't going to make it for that long. She needed a bed and a puke pan. I raced her home (10 minutes away) and decided I would get the construction workers to watch her while I raced back to get the medicine. I got the gas can and thought I would get some gas for the car while I was at it. I got into town, filled the gas can, went over to the drive thru pharmacy and waited in an even longer line of cars to get the prescription. I finally got it after about twenty minutes and raced home to get some to Kami. Just then, Heidi called and needed to be picked up, so I left my sick girl with the construction workers and went a grabbed her and the little ones.
In my haste to get her in a timely fashion, I forgot that a full can of gas was in the back. You guessed it, it tipped over and spilled all over the place. The car smelled so bad I felt like Kueter in Dukes of Hazzard. Heidi was rightly mad, and I was about to blow a gasket. I raced them home and Heidi sent me into town again to get some saltine crackers for Kami. While I was gone, she puked and Heidi had to clean that up. While Kami was puking Heidi heard a loud crash in the kitchen and low and behold a couple glass containers fell and crashed into a thousand pieces on the floor. The 30 minutes I was gone didn't let up for Heidi at the homefront.
I got to Meijer...a place that I felt like I'd been to about twenty times that day and started walking to the entrance. I could barely walk my foot was in so much pain. I had been on it all day running to and fro and it was about spent. As I walked through the doors and was greeted by an elderly women offering me coupons, I looked to my right and my eye caught a little parking lot of three wheeled scooters primary reserved for the eldery. My foot hurt so bad that I thought, "I need one of those." I mozzied over to the Amigos (or whatever they're called) and hopped on one. I flipped a switch and started backing out when I was brought to a neck wrenching halt. I forgot to unplug it from the wall. Woopsie Daisy! The senior citizen greeter women came over and gave me some advice, she knew these machines like the back of her hand. She help me out and sent me off into the wonderland of groceries. The little tires didn't rotate more than 20 times when I was overwhelmed with the realization that everyone was staring at me and that I was Lowell's #1 Space Cadet worthy of a front page article in the Ledger. My heart started racing and my stomach got all those butterflies you get when you're experiencing a rush. And you know what? Do you think I could find the saltine cracker aisle? Nope. I'm tooling around in this battery operated moped with a little steel basket on the front and I can't find crackers. The whole time I was just praying that I wouldn't run into anyone that I knew. I feared that I would, which explains the whole rush feeling. My adrenaline was just surging through my veins. I finally got some crackers which looked kinda lonely in that little container hangin off the handle bars, so in my embarrasement for using this scooter to pick up a box of saltines, I felt compelled to fill it so that I looked legit. I quickly manuvered my way to the ice cream aisle and picked up two boxes of ice cream bars. It filled the basket quite nicely.
As I was making my way to the check out line, I spotted (of all people) a guy that I went to college with in Clarks Summit, PA. I couldn't believe my eyes. I dodged a hippi couple and hid behind a huge stack of Juicy Juice boxes. When they passed, I darted out into the open and made my way to the self check out line. My credit card wouldn't process and so I was caught there for what seemed like an eternity. I parked my little three wheeler, and hit the road faster than you could say, "Jason is a raving moron."
I returned home to find my wife about ready to string herself up in the garage. Eventually, we put them to bed and just recounted the horrors of the week. I could share more, but my fingers are sore. I think I'll soak them in the same tub of epsom salt water that I'm soaking my feet in right now. Lord Jesus, come quickly.
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