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Saturday, October 28, 2006


What in the hank is contentment anyways? I've been wondering whether I will ever feel that. We are in a world that either is lazy or driven, passive or it's difficult to know when one starts and one stops. I want to be excellent at what I do, but I also know there has to be a boundary set in place to keep you from being OCD and not being able to stop achieving, accomplishing, accumulating. When do you just come to the point where you say, "Enough is enough"...instead of always feeling like "Enough is never enough". When I say, "Enough"...for some reason I feel like I'm settling, quiting. When I say, "I can do more or be more" if feel consumed with my need to grow, expand, stretch, excel, ascend. I know, balance. That cursed word seems to be the answer to all quandries. But for some reason, it doesn't do much to calm my restless spirit.

I want to be the best...and yet I want to be ok with not being the best. I want to know more, and yet I want to be just fine with not knowing everything. I want to be accomplished in my areas of expertise, but I don't want that to be the end all, the finish line, the ultimate priority. I want to influence people, but I don't want to be non-stop in my efforts to meet this person, help that person, attend that event, speak at that conference, set up another early morning coffee or lunch with someone, pencil in another counseling appointment in the evening, write another email, make another phone call, post another blog, create another song, start another ministry...etc. When do you just come to the place where you are content with who you are without becoming complacent?

That's the questions that's been bouncing around in my brain.

I want to be content...and yet I want to press on. (both phrases Paul uttered in his pursuit of God)

I'm all ears...

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

the power...

A note to my band...

Two day ago, I went to a guys house to ride horses. He has a huge horse farm and I've been trying to stay in touch with his heart more this fall. I love horses and couldn't wait to climb up on the backs of one of those beasts and ride with all my might. We saddled up and took off. It was a rush just flying across the land effortlessly, noiselessly. The power of a horse is beyond description. It's one thing to watch one run from a distance, but when you are strapped on top of one of these babies, you can feel the muscles rippling under you. The tork when the take off just about puts you on your butt. I was loving every minute of it.

And then I woke up the next body aches like I got drug through a knothole backwards. My buns are bruised, my hamstrings feel like they're going to snap like rubberbands, my neck even hurts from being jerked around like a rag doll. I didn't even know that I was torturing my body when I was having so much fun. The adrenaline has a way of distracting you from what you're doing to yourself. Even today, my body still aches. I crawled out of bed this morning limping to the shower...but it was worth it.

I love power. I love that God created things with energy and strength and adrenaline. I love to see power take over and overwhelm everything else in its way. I love to watch power change an atmosphere. I especially love to see that in worship.

I don't know about you, but when I mount that stage to lead worship, I feel like I'm climbing onto a platform of power. I feel like we are dabbling with electricity, a surge of energy, an explosive agent of change and influence. When we are leading people in worship, I feel like we're standing on the edge of something huge, sitting atop the back of something large that could send us sprawling on a moments notice. I feel like I'm riding a bull with the strength of a thousand men.

And as I gaze out at the people, I see the affect power has on the human heart. Music not only soothes the soul, it strengthens it. The power of God moves about the building widening the eyes, tightening the muscles in peoples faces bringing a smile, brightening the countenance, freeing the spirit, filling the lungs with breath that is forced over vocal chords creating shouts, noise, sounds, music, melodies, harmonies, etc. When power flows towards us, in us, and through us to those around us who are experiencing this with us...I can't help but stop in that moment and thank God for the privilege of leading people to power.

I just wanted to remind you of what it is that we engage in when we meet with the Living God...

Tuesday, October 24, 2006

the quest...

A man filled with questions at least assumes a quest. With a deep wanderlust he braves the new day hoping to step forward into life. Yes, it's a search, that unlike other expeditions seeks more a someone than a something. A longing for reunion. Like a friend wearing the kindred necklace of a broken heart, man knows the other half is out there longing for completion more than he is. And so the quest goes on and the questions follow.

Such is my life...I feel my halved heart crying for completion, reunion. I enjoy my days, but only partially. The best is yet to come when my faith will be sight. The search will cease. All questions will find their answer. That day couldn't come soon enough for this seeker.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

The layaway plan...

check out today and tomorrow and you'll get a little taste of what I've been chewing on. I'm just trying to learn how to talk to God. I know that God has always been the same, but that's hard to believe since my view of Him is always undergoing a face lift. Every month, there is something about God that I learn that morphs my theology. I love it, but I never feel like I get into a groove. Maybe what I think would be a groove would really just be a rut. Either way, God seems to be changing all the time to me. I know that it's really me that's doing the changing...God just patiently waits to disclose parts of Himself to me when I'm ready to handle it. If I would have encountered the God I've come to know back when I was in High School, I would have popped into a thousand fragments. Thank God for the celestial layaway plan.

I have so much more to learn about God...

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

Illuminate me...

Life supernal make your way
into the cracks of this new day.

Illuminate the caverns cold
with rays of joy from days of old.

Light up spaces dark with sin
and break the spell that hems me in.

Damn the dusk that settles o'er
this soul in search of something more.

Ripen fruit with shafts of light
that hang from heavy limbs of fright.

Shine resplendant through the haze
and set my tattered wick ablaze.

Glow about my darkened view
with less of me and more of you.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

I need a Savior...

I need a Savior. I haven't said that much since I asked Jesus to come into my heart when I was five. I suppose it's because I believed that once you're saved, you don't ask to be saved again, because you can't lose your salvation. Logically, this makes sense if logic is your compass.

But somewhere I've grown to believe something else....something quite important. I believe that I need to be saved every day of my life, every minute of the day, every second of the minute, every moment of the second. Something inside me still cries out for a Savior to come to my aid and rescue me from myself and my broken surroundings. I may even be more desperate for salvation post-conversion than pre- The misconception is that salvation is solely "eternal security" related. Not so. Salvation is the desperate need of any person living eternity in the present. You can't survive the kingdom life without a daily salvation experience shielding you from the perils that seek to take you out. "Father, save me" must become a regular and routine piece of my conversation with God in order to wage war as I ought. (Everything I just said doesn't apply to the converted soul killing time until the rapture.) If you're trying to do something redemptive in the here and now with an "overcome evil with good" mindset, you can't help but cry out for salvation each and every day. It seems to me that it would become as common a response as the gag reflex.

That's why I find my heart as burdened for the lost believer as I do the lost unbeliever. The one needs to be born again, the other needs to be reborn again. The one needs a vision of God, the other needs a revision of God. Both need to be saved...and the salvation will produce similar results. If you're around church folk much, what you will find is that under the veneer of a thoughtless assent to trusting God, there is a soul that doesn't trust God as far as they could throw him. A good many Christians have just as much trouble believing God as secular humanists...they simply attend church on the weekends just in case. You know why I know this...because inside my own churchy skin I wrestle with this very angst. I resonate with the man who said to Jesus, "I believe, only help my unbelief." That makes as much sense to me as anything in between Genesis and Revelation. I respresent that remark. And so I know what it feels like to be an unbeliever even as I rest in the security of my salvation. I need saved just as much as Joe Skeptical...because there dwells in all of us a Skeptic in disguise.

I need saved from my pride and my false humility.
I need saved from my talents and my put on performance.
I need saved from my knowledge and my know it all facade.
I need saved from my selfishness and my false compassion.
I need saved from my lust and my false vulnerability.
I need saved from my greed and my fake oaths to poverty.
I need saved from my self sufficiency and my mask of interdependence.
I need saved from my intolerace and my false flexibility.
I need saved from my judgementalism and my front of impartiality.
I need saved from my lies and my half truths.
I need saved from my anger and my sugar coated passion.
I need saved from my jealousy and my false compliments.
I need saved from my flesh and my dressed up flesh.

We all do.

So I'm making a declaration of my need for salvation today...and everyday from now until the Lord sees fit to terminate my occupation of this planet. I need his salvation more now than the day I first believed. Because for some reason, I slip into unbelief faster than I would like to admit it, even though I just did. Save me, today, dear Jesus...Save me from myself.

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Remind me...

Remind me of your presence today,'s hereness, it's nowness.
Remind me of people's potential.
Remind me of this world's good facets.
Remind me that I'm not alone in this redemptive movement.
Remind me that I'm not all that.
Remind me that I can make a difference if only I'll surrender to your stirrings.
Remind me to cling to what is important.
Remind me that fall speaks of the beauty of dying.
Remind me that I don't have to be right.
Remind me that the future shouldn't distract me from the present.
Remind me that I can change even if I think it's just the way I am.
Remind me that I'm weak without your empowerment.
Remind me that I need to confess my sins daily.
Remind me to inject a vaccine of goodness into this day.
Remind me to remind others of hope.
Remind me that people are the only thing carrying over to the afterlife.
Remind me that You aren't uptight.
Remind me that Jesus died for my shame, not just my sins. (Heb. 12:2)
Remind me that memorizing Scripture isn't negotiable.
Remind me that friendship is worth fighting for.
Remind me that without faith it is impossible to please You. (Heb 11)
Remind me to stay vulnerable and transperant with others.
Remind me to be humble with what I know and hungry for what I don't.
Remind me to love my family with a passion.
Remind me to breathe deeply each morning inhaling your optimism.
Remind me to give thanks in everything and to rejoice in the You always. (note: Scriptural)
Remind me to trust you with the little things.
Remind me that you don't need me to get the job done.
Remind me that you do want me to get the job done.
Remind me of these things...