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Friday, July 11, 2014

non-anxious presence...

"non-anxious presence."

I asked a dear friend who is a counselor what it was that allowed for life to live.  This was his answer. 
I felt it struck a chord inside me.

Probably because I'm having one of those weeks where anxiety is swallowing almost every waking moment of my life.  Like sand through my fingers, I'm losing my hours to this feeling of chronic self-critique and self-doubt.  I know what it means to be beside yourself because that is literally what I feel.  I feel as though I'm standing right next to myself unable to merge in the present tense with myself.  I'm not trying to find myself, that's another expression altogether.  No, being beside yourself is standing very near to your own life without the ability to move from duplicity to congruency.

I want ever so badly to become one with myself and to see with one set of eyes and to hear with one set of ears.  To be of one mind and heart.  Single-minded, whole-hearted.  I know what that feels like and it's the pure definition of "presence".  To be fully present is a cherished treasure and the greatest gift I could receive from someone or give to someone.  

But this idea of non-anxious presence fills my mind today.  I want to make myself do it.  I'm almost sure that I would lose the presence in the "trying"...the "striving for".  

I believe in God and I believe He is the one who doles out this rare jewel of peace.  He is the one who can whisper "Peace, be still" into the wind and waves foaming and fomenting in my mind.  He is the one who can hold me together...mind, body and spirit.  

I've decided to open myself to this possibility today asking God to enable me to be at peace with myself, one with myself.

It's no mistake that the Greatest Commandment has within it the necessity of "loving yourself".  It's impossible to non-anxiously love anyone or anything unless and until you find rest in your own chest.  

Shalom.

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