What a beautiful day! I spent some time down by the river this morning with my friend, Dave. We took time on a walk down by the river to smell some purple lilacs that were in full bloom. There is not a smell, come spring, that stirs more childhood memories than that one. We had a huge lilac bush in the front yard that would put off so much of a frangrance that you could smell it when you pulled into the driveway after school. It was a smell that said, "School is almost over." It said, "You can play outside again." It spoke volumes about longer days and deeper delight. I remember one time when I grabbed a handful of lilac flowers and went out into the woods; I laid down in a field and covered my face with the lilac buds. I just basked in the sun intoxicated with fruit of spring. It's funny how drawn to beauty and good sensual pleasure I was at such an early age. I would hide it from my friends and family because I thought it was quite queer. But I couldn't keep from being drawn to the joy of God's creation and the natural wonder that surrounded me.

On days like today...I can hardly stay inside and get any work done. I feel like a Jr. Higher looking out the window in History class waiting for the clock to stike 3:00pm. The small hand just wouldn't move fast enough. Today, my penchant for the outdoors is almost irresistable.

I love that my parents moved us to the country when we were little. I love that we had a garden and had to cut wood for winter heat. I love that we had a well and a barn. A tractor and a huge lawn. I love that my dad loved to be outdoors and invited me to spend time with him there. Some of my fondest memories with him were spent in the woods. It's where I felt most connected to my fathers, earthly and heavenly. It's the place when I felt that they were almost one in the same. When I cut wood with my dad I felt God's pleasure.

Days like today make me feel like a little boy inside. On the one hand I have so much responsibility and so many people depending on me, but on the other hand I feel so small and young inside. It's almost like I've tricked people into believing I'm capable and credible when in actuality, I'm a little boy trapped in a 32 year old's body trying to get out. The little guy inside comes closest to getting out on days like this where I feel the tug of yesteryear bidding me backwards to where my heart once found such rich pleasure and purpose. I feel like taking off my shoes and wading into a creek for crawdads. I feel like climbing a tree to the tippy top and swinging with the breeze. I feel like diving into a ditch after a downpour and wading in the whelming flood. I feel like sitting outside and closing my eyes and listening to the birds talk to each other about whatever birds talk to each other about. I feel like leaving behind dutiful demands and chasing after my dreams.

These are the feelings that a simple lilac can unearth...


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