winter...

It's below zero this morning. Never has coffee tasted so good. The tips of my fingers are sore from the sheer chill of the air mixed with the queer abnormalcy of clinging to a frosty steering wheel. The engine could barely turn over this morning with oil as thick as aged maple syrup. My windshield had a variety of icicle designs spralling like webs across its smooth surface. The leather seats that are impregnated with spiffy heaters never did quite heat up as I made the five mile trek to the diner this morning. The shifting of the gears was lazy and sluggish as if the car almost seemed to have to talk itself into caring about transporting me on the dawn of such a brisk day. My breath was instantly converted to a seen substance...a mix between spit-smoke and frozen mist. I could "see my breath" as they say, and never more clearly than this morning at 6:15am.

Why do I live in such a tundra of torture? Why do I subject myself to excruciating Michigan misery? Why have I placed my family in harm's way, frostbite nipping at their noses and threatening to remove their delicate digits if they so dare to emerge from the warm womb of our home without every protruding appendage covered with thick insulated fabric goodness? Why do I stay in the great North? Because I love it....that's why.

I love all four seasons...and just when I'm bored and done with the season I'm in, the next one comes bolting around the bend. I love the high highs and the low lows...the variety that brings spice to life. I love the ache in my frozen bones that gives way to the deep warmth of a fire. I love the piles of white snow and the way it hangs on the limbs of each and every evergreen. I'm a sucker for winter...and though I wish it to be gone when it's time for spring...it will make the entrance of spring seem so much more beautiful and brilliant.

I many ways...my heart is going through a winter lately. I'm stirred up with conflicting feelings and emotional torture. Certain parts of my soul seem frozen over, buried under drifts of doubt and depression. I feel confused by my own feelings and the feelings of those I do life with. I don't feel in alignment these days, somewhat disoriented. I think I've gotten a little too busy and taken on too many projects simultaneously. I hope to regain clarity this week...and work through some of the icey build up that is stealing some joy from my existance.

Spring will come...that is the hope.

Comments

Ray said…
Well Said.... I am originally from Michigan and now living in the south I really miss the winters.
Melissa said…
I think the change from winter to spring is beautiful. Without the winter we wouldn't appreciate the spring so much right? I feel that's the same with the seasons in our lives. Without the times of sadness and hurt we wouldn't truly appreciate the times of joy.

ps. this is Melissa from church, I go to Cornerstone...we've met, but I wasn't sure if you'd remember...I found your blog, and I really like reading what you write here.

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