Desired destinations and destined desires...
As they say, "Shift happens." And that is what is happening with my blog going into the fall. I'm going to be shifting gears from Montana to random stories, musings, commentaries, and the occasional diatribe or classic iconoclastic rant. I'm excited about that shift.
I can't believe the mental and emotional fortitude it takes to stay with writing a quasi-blogbook. There we at least 50 times along the way that I wanted to give way to fatigue and just get to writing about whatever tickled my fancy that particular moment. But something inside me said, "Keep going...don't abort. Keep cataloguing and creating and commentating." It was difficult, but rewarding.
Too many days of my life have been given over to a collapse of stamina just when strength was needed most. Part of coming of age (or manhood) is this handling of pressure, either succumbing to it or harnessing it to affect change in the moment you're living in. I wish I had a better track record as far as intestinal fortitude goes, but unfortunately, like many, I'm a wimp, a weasel and a weenie all braided together into one. But heres the rub, I don't want to be and I'm fighting it with small things like this Montana blog. I want to finish what I start, especially when it lasts more than two days or two weeks--God forbid, three months or three years!! I'm so fickle and given to premature surrender. I wish to be more stouthearted.
So thanks for joining me in my quest for true masculine depth. It's not easy, but I'm testing my limitations and wondering if I don't quit too early sometimes. The only way to know is to put myself through various initiations that reveal masked weaknesses or undiscovered strengths. The Montana Chronicles served as this instructional tutor. And I've learned a lot about writing, life, myself, God and the universal human condition known as depravity.
All this to say that I'm looking forward to "shifting" toward spontaneous outpourings in this blog over the coarse of the coming days. I only hope when it comes time for another initiation that I will be a more willing participant because of the strength I've come to see in myself that I wondered if I possessed.
John Eldredge says that every man's haunting edenic question is...
"Do I have what it takes?"
I would have to say that I have to agree. This is why we must put ourselves into situations that answer that wonderment. The strength we find in putting ourselves into situations where we could just as easily fail as succeed cannot be overstated.
I set out on a pilgrimage to discover if I could do "it", and I reached my desired destination and, with that, my destined desire etched into my free-willed heart. Have you ever don't something like that? Don't you know of what I speak? I hope so.