Full time/Part time...

I've been able to spend some concentrated time with my girls the last couple days.  Heidi is leading our woman's retreat and I'm on full-time parent duty for three straight days.  Here's the difference between part-time duty and full-time duty as a parent...

Part time means you have time to yourself when you want it and time with them when you want it.

Full time means that option is not available for you because whether you want it or not, you're with them regardless.

Part time allows you the flexibility to get away when you're feeling a little annoyed with their incessant sibling cat fights.

Full time allows you the beautiful opportunity to shape them with discipline all day long with no breathers or union breaks.

Part time gives you an alibi of work demands when you're really just selfishly needing time to not be "home" with the chaos of child rearing.

Full time gives you a broom, a toilet plunger and a dish rag and tells you that you can feel bad for yourself on your own time...oh, wait a minute, you don't have your own time.

Part time allows things to be broken up into bite size chunks of time so you don't get overwhelmed with too much of a good thing.

Full time allows you an occasional break from monotony in the bathroom while you fake like you have to take a dookie...loitering becomes a necessary survival technique.

Part time makes you feel like you're an amazing parent cause you get to swoop in a become the instant Hero when you come home from work and the kids treat you like the Messiah.

Full time makes you feel like you're a demon parent 'cause you get treated like crap due to the excessive exposure throughout the day that leads to a built up immunity in your children to your voice, presence, and discipline.  Face it, you're invisible and you're the one that's there all the time.

So anybody who says that staying home with kids full time isn't a job, I submit to you that you clench your fist behind your back, put on brass knuckles with your free hand, feign a smile that makes them feel like you're agreeing with them and then uncork a haymaker that lands a cold-cock special on their snot-box that they won't soon forget, even in the next life.  Then help them up and tell them to never utter that sentiment again for as long as they live.  

Got it?


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