My wife's birthday...

I mentioned several posts back that I would catalog the days surround my wife's birthday. Time overlaps and suffocates my memory sometimes...but someone emailed me and reminded me of my P.S. at the end of a blog that mentioned something about a future post about my wife.

Her birthday was a bit different this year. It seems odd to say this, but one of the reasons that it was one of the best yet was because she wasn't actually here. She took off and went down to her sisters in Ohio and I was left home to "Bach" it for a few days. The day of her birthday, my mind was filled with thoughts of her. Almost everything I did reminded me of her. I found myself carried away with her more in her absense than in her presence.

Sometimes I get so accustomed to her, that a forget all that she means to me and the futility of my life without her companionship.

I called her multiple times that day. It was the same feelings I used to have when I was just getting to know her...the butterflies while the phone was ringing wondering if she would pick up or if I would get voice mail. I was actually nervous. My stomach was dancing about like a hit squirrel! I felt myself missing her so much that day...I was constantly wanting to call her to see what she did with the girls and to just hear her voice. She came home the next day...sometimes absence just revs me up in my affection and appreciation for her. I was waiting for her with bated breath. After a couple days, her hair looks different, her voice sounds different, her touch sends chills through my body...it's like it cleanses me of some sort of pollution that clogs my senses. I'm poised, alive again.

Last night, she was out with some girls having fun so I went to bed early (like 10:30pm). I laid their until like 1:30am. I couldn't fall asleep. I heard her come upstairs, go into the bathroom and then into the dark of our bedroom. She climbed quietly into bed and I stirred about a bit. I went to the bathroom and then came back and climbed under the covers. She reached her hand over and touched my chest and said, "Hey, why aren't you asleep?" I didn't have an answer. She said, "Is something weighing heavy on your mind?" I couldn't think of much. Then she snuggled up close to me and I felt my body relax into the mattress. I'm finding it harder and harder to sleep without her. I was asleep the minute we kissed and said goodnight. Her presence calms me like nothing else in this world.

Her birthday means more to me than any other day except my salvation, because it was that day that set into motion the alternate story that would one day weave together with my own. As our lives braid together more intimately each year, I can't imagine existance without her by my side and in my heart.

Heidi, my will to fight for your heart has never seen a better day. I invite you to come under the banner of my love. Thank you for loving me so well.

(The chorus of the song I wrote Heidi for our wedding...)

"I will always love you till the end of time,
till God returns or I breathe my last,
I'll hold your heart close to mine.
So take my hand as I take Christ's
and we'll together be,
a true love for the whole wide world to see."

I love you, babe.

Jason

Comments

James Bean said…
dude, how come Heidi doesn't get to hold Jesus' hand?

PS Check your church e-mail for my prophetic dream.
Jecca said…
This is just plain beautiful.

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