I have this urge again...

I saw a few people with shaved heads recently. I don't know if it was a movement of the Holy Spirit, or a curious draw to a more radical way of life, but I wanted to shave my head right down to the soft, supple surface. I don't know if this would work since I'm not actually bald or balding. I know many men who refuse to fight the hair-loss battle any longer and resign to the fact that shaving their head is a far better option than rationing out pockets of hair trying to comb it forward or sideways or what-have-ya...they cave in and just lop it all off much to the happiness of everyone around them. There is nothing that pains me more than seeing a man refuse to give in to the inevitable, holding on to every last hair and trying to be creative with hair bolstering alternatives. I applaud the man that puts down his comb and waves the white towel of surrender.

That is why this decision often causes such mixed feelings inside me. Will the hair on top of my head leave a dark shadow of stubble? Will certain lumps on my skull that I don't know are there make my head look ghastly? Will I have tons of little pimples on my head that everyone feels compelled to pop everytime they get within 4 feet of me? Is there dry scalp syndrome under there, a chaffing of dead skin just waiting to be freed from the canopy of soft, silky hair to be seen for what it really is? Are there birth marks under there that have the appearance of a rash or skin disease? Will I be surprised by a mole or two latently growing beneath the foliage? Will my moderate widows peak look funny? These are the questions that plague a man making this sort of asthetic move.

I also find myself thinking about the cold. I wonder if I'll regret this decision when the arctic winds of Michigan come against me. I wonder if I'll want to stick my hair back on with transparent scotch tape when all is said and done. I wonder if the hair growing out of the top of my ears will stand out even more. (I have nearly 9 aberrant hairs growing out of the cartilage on the tops of my ears). I wonder whether I will be able to keep my soul patch tucked under my bottom lip or if that will have to go with the rest of my head hair...I don't know if I can part with that. I wonder if there will be a distinct line between the tan of my face and neck and my snow white scalp giving me the look of Cruella Devil or a recent recruit to the army. I wonder if people will be able to listen to me when I'm speaking on Sundays or if they will get transfixed on my head and be transported into the Twilight Zone. I wonder if I'll be able to concentrate on anything but the lack of hair on my head when I'm talking to people. I wonder.

And yet, there is this underlying gravitational pull to just do it. To cast off all bonds and make a clean break. To run toward the unknown and embrace the risk on the other side of all these questions. I wonder if I will always wonder what it would have been like to be completely and utterly bald...if I will be on my death bed wondering what I may have missed, passed up in this hurried and frenetic life? What may have been in my marriage, my ministry and my future. What blessings were in store for me if only I would have trusted my instincts and not talked myself out of this barbaric, primal desire.

But what if I'm being summuned by the dark side. What if this is a ploy to disable me, render me imasculated and immobile? What if all that awaits me are sarcastic stabs and crossed eyeed glances of pity? What if I would look like Quassi Moto and be banished to the bell tower of society to live alone, cursed and undone? Would my wife cherish me the same, or would the very sight of me disgust her beyond recovery? Even when my hair grew back, would I be marred for life with a stigma? Would I ever truly be able to cover what has been blatently revealed? Would people walk by me and mutter under their breath, "I know what's under there, he can't fool me." I fear so.

My life hangs in the balance of this pesky thought this cold and careless morning.

Comments

Jim said…
Answer the call and shave it off. Even if you only do it the once. How can you continue going through life without ever having shaved your head? Plus you will never know if you look like Sinead O'Connor unless you go bald.
I wonder if the lights on the stage will reflect off of your bald grape causing a light show that far surpasses any of the great light shows of the 80's rock concerts??? Or, if the FAA will force you to put a toupee on while singing or preaching so that you no longer cause aircraft to divert their flight paths into Gerald R Ford International??? Just a few more things you should consider...I could have endless hours of fun with this one!
P.S. when I think of barbaric primal men for some reason I always imagine more hair not less...unless mini-me has been recently dubbed a barbarian:)
Amy said…
Ja, don't do it! Please I beg of you! You just want to be like Tim don't you?? We were at his apartment just a few days before he left to come see you guys for Thanksgiving and the topic of conversation turned to his hair. We discussed how all of us girls like his hair slightly longer. Long enough to spike it up or style it. But yet not as long as it was the first winter when I met him where it was often tucked under his thick glasses. You should relish the fact that you do have hair...someday you may not be so lucky and may un-voluntarily see what you will look like without it. If you do something so drastic, it should have a cause behind it...you promise your soccer team you will shave your head if they beat the #1 seed (oh wait, that was Tim), your beloved friend is going through chemo, etc etc. And above all else, you must discuss these matters with Heidi. I know you recently posted something about men needing suprise in their lives....this is not one that a woman wants sprung on her as her husband comes home after work one night. And think of the looks on your beautiful daughter's faces if you spring something like that on them?! And as you said in your post, you must consider the weather...it will be quite a bit colder this winter without hair. If you do shave it...and again I beg you not to...you have to post a picture on here!

p.s. "someone" (who may or may not have been named above in this comment) recently said that it is ok that I read your blog daily b/c I have nothing better to do...but suggested you might need to get a full time job! =) I however disagree b/c then what in the world would I do for entertainment?? =)
Eric said…
I'd check with the wife first. She might have an opinion. :)
Kate McDonald said…
dude...seriously? what does heidi say? now i'll admit some men look cool with a shaved head, but its mostly a brave move when a man starts to lose his hair... you know, a man just decides he's going to go bald on his own terms, I can respect that.

but not all men should go that route.... have you been watching a little too much "Deal or No Deal" lately? *grin*

if you start shaving and hate it, think of all of the awkward stages your head will have to go through to get back to normal....hmmm...

tell the fam hello for me
pianoman said…
balding? shaved head?

been there, done that.
let me just tell you, it's a big relief to not worry about what's thinning and what's not...

but please, cherish your hair while you still have it, because once it starts goin', it ain't comin' back...

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