an unloved woman...
Proverbs 30:21-23
21 "Under three things the earth trembles,
under four it cannot bear up:
22 a servant who becomes king,
a fool who is full of food,
23 an unloved woman who is married,
and a maidservant who displaces her mistress."
I've been married for just over ten years. It seems like a lifetime unto itself in many ways. I struggle to remember life apart from Heidi. I know I've lived longer without her than with her, but the B.C. years seem more forgettable since she entered my story. With every year we're together, I'm losing clarity in my remembrance of the first 18 years of my life. I think this is the magic of love. "It covers over a multitude of sins" as the Scripture says. Her love has covered over me so beautifully.
I read this text a few weeks ago and it has been pestering my heart like a little poodle nipping at your heals. I can't escape the power of these six words..."an unloved woman who is married". An unloved woman is unconscionable in and of itself. But an unloved woman who is married?...this is unbearable to creation itself. There is nothing that causes the universe to hide in fear like the reality of a marriage where the husband leaves his bride unloved, unwanted, unvalued, undone. It just can't bear up under these conditions.
I've left my wife unloved before. I've gotten busy with life. I've said yes to too many invitations. I've sought the rush of accomplishment. I've chased my own adventures apart from her. I've sat in silence in front of the television letting her take care of the household duties. I've seen her eyes hollowed out by monotonous obligations without so much as an acknowledgement of appreciation. I've seen Satan ravish her with insecurities without lifting a finger to fight off her inner demons with the "truth that sets free". I've let words stay inside me when she needed them...oh, has she needed them. I've complimented everyone but her. I've befriended everyone but her. I've changed my schedule for everyone but her. I've left her to wonder at her place of importance. I've made her feel replaceable. I've given her the name, "Afterthought" by my actions. I've left her to wander in a world of uncertaintly as to her role in our marriage. I've made her read between the lines too much. I've left her to fill in the blanks on too many occasions. I've left so much inside her unfinished, promising to come back and complete what I said I would do, and letting time take the edge off my vows.
I've left her at home with the girls too many nights. I've shrugged her off when she needed "adult" conversation. I've been a lazy listener. I've made her feel like a bother, a nuisance. I've seen her dying for my affection, and sadly left her for dead. I haven't asked nearly enough questions of her heart. I haven't done much to sacrifice myself to make her dreams come true. I haven't been the creative leader in the home that I am in the church. Some of these weaknesses go beyond neglect toward abuse. This is unacceptable.
I don't want my wife to be unloved. I want more for our marriage, our friendship.
Here are some declarations I must make in order to avoid the dread of this verse:
1. I will speak when I'm tempted to stay silent.
2. I will move when I'm tempted to stand still.
3. I will hug when I'm tempted to withdraw.
4. I will kiss when I'm tempted to stare.
5. I will ask questions when I'm tempted to just talk.
6. I will affirm when I'm tempted to attack.
7. I will enjoy when I'm tempted to endure.
8. I will create when I'm tempted to shut down.
9. I will date when I'm tempted to distance myself.
10. I will listen when I'm tempted to solve.
11. I will enable when I'm tempted to disable.
12. I will understand when I'm tempted to be understood.
13. I will sympathize when I'm tempted to criticize.
14. I will forgive when I'm tempted to forgo.
15. I will gaurd my eyes when I'm tempted to feed my flesh.
16. I will accomodate her interestes when I'm tempted to push my own.
17. I will give her freedom when I'm tempted to pursue my own.
18. I will look for the good when I'm tempted to point out the bad.
19. I will defend her when I'm tempted to dis"gaurd" her.
20. I will pursue her when I'm tempted to abandon her.
21. I will trust her when I'm tempted to question her.
22. I will serve her when I'm tempted to let her serve me.
23. I will help her when I'm tempted to let her do "it" herself.
24. I will honor her when I'm tempted to talk about her.
25. I will crown her when I'm tempted to "down" her.
I don't want my wife to be unloved. I want my chivalry to cause her to feel captivating. I want my romantic heart to break up things she's scared to try for fear of failure. I'm a guy, but that doesn't me I'm the incorrigible grunt that culture says I am...I'm created to love my wife with such passion that it confounds all of creation. And I want to...I really, really want to.
There is nothing so dreadful as an unloved woman trapped in a marriage with a misguided man.
21 "Under three things the earth trembles,
under four it cannot bear up:
22 a servant who becomes king,
a fool who is full of food,
23 an unloved woman who is married,
and a maidservant who displaces her mistress."
I've been married for just over ten years. It seems like a lifetime unto itself in many ways. I struggle to remember life apart from Heidi. I know I've lived longer without her than with her, but the B.C. years seem more forgettable since she entered my story. With every year we're together, I'm losing clarity in my remembrance of the first 18 years of my life. I think this is the magic of love. "It covers over a multitude of sins" as the Scripture says. Her love has covered over me so beautifully.
I read this text a few weeks ago and it has been pestering my heart like a little poodle nipping at your heals. I can't escape the power of these six words..."an unloved woman who is married". An unloved woman is unconscionable in and of itself. But an unloved woman who is married?...this is unbearable to creation itself. There is nothing that causes the universe to hide in fear like the reality of a marriage where the husband leaves his bride unloved, unwanted, unvalued, undone. It just can't bear up under these conditions.
I've left my wife unloved before. I've gotten busy with life. I've said yes to too many invitations. I've sought the rush of accomplishment. I've chased my own adventures apart from her. I've sat in silence in front of the television letting her take care of the household duties. I've seen her eyes hollowed out by monotonous obligations without so much as an acknowledgement of appreciation. I've seen Satan ravish her with insecurities without lifting a finger to fight off her inner demons with the "truth that sets free". I've let words stay inside me when she needed them...oh, has she needed them. I've complimented everyone but her. I've befriended everyone but her. I've changed my schedule for everyone but her. I've left her to wonder at her place of importance. I've made her feel replaceable. I've given her the name, "Afterthought" by my actions. I've left her to wander in a world of uncertaintly as to her role in our marriage. I've made her read between the lines too much. I've left her to fill in the blanks on too many occasions. I've left so much inside her unfinished, promising to come back and complete what I said I would do, and letting time take the edge off my vows.
I've left her at home with the girls too many nights. I've shrugged her off when she needed "adult" conversation. I've been a lazy listener. I've made her feel like a bother, a nuisance. I've seen her dying for my affection, and sadly left her for dead. I haven't asked nearly enough questions of her heart. I haven't done much to sacrifice myself to make her dreams come true. I haven't been the creative leader in the home that I am in the church. Some of these weaknesses go beyond neglect toward abuse. This is unacceptable.
I don't want my wife to be unloved. I want more for our marriage, our friendship.
Here are some declarations I must make in order to avoid the dread of this verse:
1. I will speak when I'm tempted to stay silent.
2. I will move when I'm tempted to stand still.
3. I will hug when I'm tempted to withdraw.
4. I will kiss when I'm tempted to stare.
5. I will ask questions when I'm tempted to just talk.
6. I will affirm when I'm tempted to attack.
7. I will enjoy when I'm tempted to endure.
8. I will create when I'm tempted to shut down.
9. I will date when I'm tempted to distance myself.
10. I will listen when I'm tempted to solve.
11. I will enable when I'm tempted to disable.
12. I will understand when I'm tempted to be understood.
13. I will sympathize when I'm tempted to criticize.
14. I will forgive when I'm tempted to forgo.
15. I will gaurd my eyes when I'm tempted to feed my flesh.
16. I will accomodate her interestes when I'm tempted to push my own.
17. I will give her freedom when I'm tempted to pursue my own.
18. I will look for the good when I'm tempted to point out the bad.
19. I will defend her when I'm tempted to dis"gaurd" her.
20. I will pursue her when I'm tempted to abandon her.
21. I will trust her when I'm tempted to question her.
22. I will serve her when I'm tempted to let her serve me.
23. I will help her when I'm tempted to let her do "it" herself.
24. I will honor her when I'm tempted to talk about her.
25. I will crown her when I'm tempted to "down" her.
I don't want my wife to be unloved. I want my chivalry to cause her to feel captivating. I want my romantic heart to break up things she's scared to try for fear of failure. I'm a guy, but that doesn't me I'm the incorrigible grunt that culture says I am...I'm created to love my wife with such passion that it confounds all of creation. And I want to...I really, really want to.
There is nothing so dreadful as an unloved woman trapped in a marriage with a misguided man.
Comments
ps i heard rob bell speak the other night and he reminded me of you so much that it started to freak me out.
God bless,
Kristy
www.miraculousgod.wordpress.com
I am an unloved married woman. My husband is also a pastor. Everyone and everything comes before me. I often wonder what he will say to God when he is asked to give an account for how he covered me.
I, too, was am an unloved wife, who, like many Christian wives could no longer tolerate the emotional (etc) abuse.... and the pain of the treachery of not being loved. and yet, even in divorce, this unloved wife was treated with even more disdain by "church" and the court because of the continuing NONloving actions in word and deed of the ex
Odious woman - One in whom there is nothing loveable. Marriage, which to most women is the state in which they find scope for their highest qualities, becomes to her only a sphere in which to make herself and others
For an odious woman, when she is married,.... Odious for her person, her ugliness, and the deformity of her body; or rather for the ill qualities of her mind, which, while single, she endeavours to conceal, but, being married, hides them no longer; but becomes imperious, proud, scornful, and malicious, and behaves in an ill natured way to her husband and all about her, to such a degree, that there is no bearing the place where she is
Don't worry Jason you are off the hook, Heidi sounds sweet.
I meant my husband when I was young and have been married for 5 years. I use to laugh, smile, and love life. Now, I love my son and focus solely on him. I do not go out with the girls for lunch, I do not have any confidence I once had and I do not feel "love" for my husband, in fact, if my son didn't love his daddy more than words could describe, I would have left a long time ago. I don't leave because I love my son. I know God can work miracles, but I cant say that I even want the miracle of a loving marriage anymore. I only want to be left alone. Its a blessing that he has so many hobbies, because I would hate for my son to know the truth about his parents marriage.
I married an emotional brillo pad, tho a marvelous man. Only because I first met Jesus as my number 1 love, have I been able to walk out 30+ and counting of a marriage chosen by GOD. It s not all about needs being met. I am thankful actually, for a marriage that drives me to Him who truly adores me.
I was once an unloved married woman. That lasted nearly 25 years until I could take it no more. Then he added that it was my fault I could not take it, and he left me. Out of that pain came a new marriage and I guarantee my husband covers every bit of ground to make sure I feel loved.
Thank you for posting this :)
21 Three things make the earth quake,
four things it can’t bear —
22 a slave who becomes king,
a boor gorged with food,
23 a hated [wife] when her husband takes her [back],
and a slave-girl who inherits from her mistress.
This sheds more light on the scriptures when you see what has been translated from the Hebrew....apparently what you have stated is not what this scripture is saying
What you wrote fits more with Ephesians,husbands love your wives
...but...
what you have written is wonderful
all men who are or going to get married should read this
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You have done a disservice to God's Holy word and the many women and men that have read your blog.
Proverbs 30:3 is written:
ESV: an unloved women when she gets a husband.
NIV: a contemptible women who gets married
KJV: For an odious women when she is married
NKJV: A hateful woman when she is married
NASB: Under an unloved women when she gets a husband
Aramaic Bible in plain English: And under a hateful woman that is married to a man.
Brenton Septuagint Translation: or if a maid should cast out her own mistress; and if a hateful women should marry a good man.
Douay-Rheims bible: By an odious woman when she is married
Good News Translation: a hateful woman who gets married
Literal Standard Version: For a hated one when she rules
I have given enough bible quotes of a passage that you have completely misinterpreted and in so doing have created a following of self-pitied women and men. I rebuke you in love sir. It is time for you to attend a bible teaching seminary and learn what God's word says. For all of you that have followed this mans poor exegesis of this passage please remember God's word; "Let God be true though every one were a liar."
From Strong's Exhaustive Concordance.
an unloved woman
שְׂ֭נוּאָה (nū·’āh)
Verb - Qal - QalPassParticiple - feminine singular
Strong's Hebrew 8130: 1) to hate, be hateful 1a) (Qal) to hate 1a1) of man 1a2) of God 1a3) hater, one hating, enemy (participle) (subst) 1b) (Niphal) to be hated 1c) (Piel) hater (participle) 1c1) of persons, nations, God, wisdom
who
כִּ֣י (kî)
Conjunction
Strong's Hebrew 3588: 1) that, for, because, when, as though, as, because that, but, then, certainly, except, surely, since 1a) that 1a1) yea, indeed 1b) when (of time) 1b1) when, if, though (with a concessive force) 1c) because, since (causal connection) 1d) but (after negative) 1e) that if, for if, indeed if, for though, but if 1f) but rather, but 1g) except that 1h) only, nevertheless 1i) surely 1j) that is 1k) but if 1l) for though 1m) forasmuch as, for therefore
marries,
תִבָּעֵ֑ל (ṯib·bā·‘êl)
Verb - Nifal - Imperfect - third person feminine singular
Strong's Hebrew 1166: 1) to marry, rule over, possess, own 1a) (Qal) 1a1) to marry, be lord (husband) over 1a2) to rule over 1b) (Niphal) to be married
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