I want to be a father...

I want to be a father. A real one. Not just a man with kids. Not just a guy who made a baby or two or three with my wife. I want to be a daddy in the deepest sense of the word. I want to know my girls so well that I can look in their eyes and tell what they need to hear from me at any given moment. I want to be able to hear a change in their voice. I want to be able to pick up on hidden signals, subtle shifts in their patterns or personalities. I want to know them by heart.

I want them to look at me and see me staring at them. I want them to listen to me laugh at life. I want them to feel like they could ask me anything and know that I'll take them seriously. I want them bask in the love I have for their mother. I want them to form ideas of what it means to be taken care of when they sit under my banner of love. I want them to trust me with every fiber of their being.

I fear that I will lose these desires lest I remind myself of them. Life seems to seduce me away from my girls. I can't let that happen.

I want to father each of them with custom care. They are growing ever so quickly...I'm already missing them in areas I'm sure. But there is so much time left to leave a mark in their souls. We have to wrestle more. I have to be more creative. I have to snuggle with them more. I need to have more daddy dates talking over life. I need to keep my eyes open to their changes. I have to be more consistent in my discipline. I need to give them more rides on the lawn mower with me. I need to push them more on the tire swing. We need to have more bonfires. I need to catch butterflies with them and feed the ducks down my the river. I need to build them that treehouse I've promised. I need to tell them more stories of make believe characters. I need to make the Bible come alive to them. I need to play games with them instead of asking them to play by themselves. I need to watch Anne of Green Gables, House on the Prairie and Pollyanna with them often. I need to watch them dance and dance with them when asked. I need to play house with them pretending with all the imagination I can muster. I need to always be playing "hide and seek" with them. I need to color with Aly, play soccer with Kami and dress dolls with Taylor. I need to take them to the movies. I need to play down by the river, rolling up my pant legs and wading in with them. I need to take them fishing and acanoeing. I need to take them on horse rides. I need to take my family to the beach and stay to watch the sun go down. I need to take them to get some ice cream at Ball's. We need to take walks as a family behind the Wittenbach. I need to teach them how to communicate to people, not just hope it happens along the way. I need to be intentional about training them to be godly young women. I need to show up every day ready to live life to the fullest with them. I need to play dress up with them. I need to go on adventures with them. I need to go on bike rides with them. I need to pay close attention to their hearts...very close attention.

I want to be a great father...the kind of father my daughters look back upon and say, "I always knew my dad cherished me."


Angela said…
Jason--you already are an incredible father. I am proud to have you as a brother in law, and the father of my precious nieces!

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