“If something can go wrong, it probably will.”
Some humorous adaptations of that pessimistic theory…
1. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
2. Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
3. The chance of the buttered side of the bread falling face down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.
4. The greater the value of the rug, the greater the probability that the cat will throw up on it.
5. If you pick up a chunk of broken concrete and try to pitch it into an adjacent lot, it will hit a tree limb and come down right on the driver's side of your car windshield.
6. You will always find something in the last place you look.
7. The other line always moves faster.
8. Anything dropped in the bathroom will fall in the toilet.
9. Shin: A device for finding furniture.
10. If you’re a nurse, that enema you gave to a person four hours ago will always produce a huge code brown just five minutes before you end of your shift.
I came up with my own in relation to wanting to make a difference for God…
1. When you become a threat to Satan, buckle up for battle.
2. When you volunteer to serve in ministry, prepare for your electricity to go out that night at home.
3. When you sense God stirring your heart to change, anticipate a phone call with dump truck load of bad news.
4. If you’re making a move toward affecting change in the world, get ready for temptation to descend on you like a rabid pterodactyl.
5. If you’re trying to do the right thing, you can bet on all hell breaking loose and raining down a deluge of depression, disaster and destruction beyond the furthest reaches of your most soaring imaginings. And I’m not kidding.
When you make an attempt, Satan will make an attack.
When you seize an opportunity, Satan will send an opposition.
“A new level, a new devil.”