beautiful

"Beautiful."

This was the last word that came out of Elizabeth Barrett Browning's mouth when her husband asked her how she felt just before her death. She was a famous 19th century writer who obviously was loved very well by her husband. Of all the words that would come to a woman's mind laying on her deathbed, how many would choose beautiful to describe how they felt seconds before passing to the other side. I wouldn't even have to venture to say precious few.

It stopped me dead in my tracks when I read this. I wondered what my wife would say. All kinds of words started pouring into my head almost instantaniously. I think many a woman might identify with some of these words that pestered me this morning. Here are several that found a place to land in the runway of my head.

"Forgettable" - Oh, that my wife would know that I think about her often and that my thoughts are fond. I want her to know that she is not out of mind when she is out of sight. Her spirit is with me even when her body is not.

"Miserable" - Oh, that my wife would know that I joined her in her suffering and shared in her conflict. I want her to know that I will not leave her alone in her misery, but will seek to carry her through dark times with the ardor of my love.

"Replaceable" - Oh, that my wife would know that she is a preeminant priority in my life. I want her to know that nothing could come in between her and I no matter how "significant" or "important" that thing may be to our culture. Her place in my life is unrivaled.

"Laughable" - Oh, that my wife would know that she is meaningful and taken seriously by my soul. I listen to her advice and cherish her thoughts. I want her to feel brilliant because I listen intently to her musings and take them to heart. It would kill me if she felt worthless and stupid.

"Unloveable" - Oh, that my wife would know that she is above all loved. I want to fight through every wall to see her, to really see the real her under the surface of everyday survival. I want to aggresively press past the exterior to the interior world of my wife...when I finally get there, I want to love the hell out of her, and then tenderly love the heaven into her. I want her to feel like she was prized as the jewel of greatest price in my heart.

I could only hope that she would say "beautiful" if you asked her how she felt today. If other words come to her lips...I have been an active part in putting them there. God, help me to love my wife with such love that she can pass from this life to the next with words like beautiful dripping off her pursed lips.

Comments

Teresa said…
Jason, I've been reading your blog for nearly a year now. Your writings are amazing - and thank you for pouring your heart out so often over this blog!

Your love for Heidi (if I remember right - that's your wifes name) is amazing; it only makes me even more excited to be married someday! :)
Heather said…
Jason,
I stumbled upon your blog about 6 months ago and LOVE it.
This post really touched my heart.
Gods blessings to you,
Heather

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