a tight heart...

something nameless wraps it's talons around my insides. To the point where I feel short of breath. It won't be shrugged off or downplayed. It won't be avoided or overlooked. It's contraint reminds me that it holds the keys to my desire for freedom. I quote verses and remind myself of all that I have to be thankful for. The Bible says that when you do that, life miraculously changes for the better. It's not working. None of those formulas work. At least for me.

I have nothing to be ashamed of...so it's not unconfessed sin as far as I know.

I have nothing to be afraid of...so it's not fear as far as I know.

What is this ache, this angst, this abyss? It's not depression...at least I don't think it is. But then again, who knows the entrance and departure of this mysterious thing humans call depression. The Bible never uses the word depression...but there were tons of depressed man and women of God. In fact, every person who did anything worth noting in the Bible was depressed at one point or another in their life. How could you not be?

You know what I think knocks the wind out of me? It's not how fragile people are...it's how fickle they are. I love the fragility of human beings. I love sharing my own vulnerability. But the fickleness. That's a tough one to stomach. And my stomach says so. Right now.