I'm changing...
last night Heidi and I went to a concert for our anniversary. Joe gave us some tickets and it seemed like a great change of pace. Oh, I forgot to tell you, it was a Steven Curtis and Mercy Me Christmas concert.
When we got there, the arena was half full and the ambiance was less than moving. As the concert got underway, I realized that something had shifted inside of me since the last concert I went to. I'm not sure what, but I didn't seem drawn into what they were trying to create. It seemed awkward at some points and kinda cool at other parts. Mercy Me was great and some of their creative additions to traditional Christmas jingles were sweet. But even in their concert, I just couldn't settle into a place of contentment. Just when I would get sucked into the music, the song would stop and people would offer up a sub-par applause leaving the band on stage timid and tongue-tied. No one laughed at jokes hardly at all. It was odd.
By the time Steven Curtis got up there, I was gone. I like him, too. He's a quality artist with commendable character and a respectable track record. But he seemed aloof at times...maybe I was just aloof. Heidi leaned over to me and said, "I don't mind if you want to leave early." Interpreted..."let's go." We stayed for another song and I had reached my concert threshhold. It wasn't about lame music or poor performance...my attention span had maxed out.
I'm finding myself less attracted to large crowds and noisy clamor. Induced clapping, canned jokes, and spiffy showmanship. I'm not against it, but it lacks the ingredient that I'm dying to encounter more. Closeness. Everything is far away.
I don't want to live far away any more. I say that knowing that something inside me will head that direction if I don't stop it now. If I let history repeat itself, I will fall into the trance many succumb to that leaves them alive without a life. I want closeness...with Heidi, with God, with my girls, with my sheep, with my world. I don't want to sit in the stands, I don't want to see from afar, I don't want to give cohersed, rehearsed claps anymore. I want to draw nigh, sit still and absorb the nuances. The nuances matter to me more now.
I'm changing...it's not about the concert...that just gave an opportunity for my heart to emote some of its musings. Thank God for SCC and Mercy Me...they are touching lives. But I think the things that will touch my life from here on out with not be so much accompanied with smoke and lights and stages...I think they will be the simple, plain, ordinary movements and moments, conversations and considerations, desires and disturbances of the normal human day. I need closeness, nearness, hereness, nowness, youness and meness sharing unheralded details that will never make it to a stage, book or movie screen.
I just thought about it...I am officially an old fart.
When we got there, the arena was half full and the ambiance was less than moving. As the concert got underway, I realized that something had shifted inside of me since the last concert I went to. I'm not sure what, but I didn't seem drawn into what they were trying to create. It seemed awkward at some points and kinda cool at other parts. Mercy Me was great and some of their creative additions to traditional Christmas jingles were sweet. But even in their concert, I just couldn't settle into a place of contentment. Just when I would get sucked into the music, the song would stop and people would offer up a sub-par applause leaving the band on stage timid and tongue-tied. No one laughed at jokes hardly at all. It was odd.
By the time Steven Curtis got up there, I was gone. I like him, too. He's a quality artist with commendable character and a respectable track record. But he seemed aloof at times...maybe I was just aloof. Heidi leaned over to me and said, "I don't mind if you want to leave early." Interpreted..."let's go." We stayed for another song and I had reached my concert threshhold. It wasn't about lame music or poor performance...my attention span had maxed out.
I'm finding myself less attracted to large crowds and noisy clamor. Induced clapping, canned jokes, and spiffy showmanship. I'm not against it, but it lacks the ingredient that I'm dying to encounter more. Closeness. Everything is far away.
I don't want to live far away any more. I say that knowing that something inside me will head that direction if I don't stop it now. If I let history repeat itself, I will fall into the trance many succumb to that leaves them alive without a life. I want closeness...with Heidi, with God, with my girls, with my sheep, with my world. I don't want to sit in the stands, I don't want to see from afar, I don't want to give cohersed, rehearsed claps anymore. I want to draw nigh, sit still and absorb the nuances. The nuances matter to me more now.
I'm changing...it's not about the concert...that just gave an opportunity for my heart to emote some of its musings. Thank God for SCC and Mercy Me...they are touching lives. But I think the things that will touch my life from here on out with not be so much accompanied with smoke and lights and stages...I think they will be the simple, plain, ordinary movements and moments, conversations and considerations, desires and disturbances of the normal human day. I need closeness, nearness, hereness, nowness, youness and meness sharing unheralded details that will never make it to a stage, book or movie screen.
I just thought about it...I am officially an old fart.
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