My bride...

Today I have this intoxicating affection for my wife. 2007 hasn't been the smoothest of transitions for us in our marriage. I'm sure there are several things to blame, but to name the source of our disconnection would be difficult. Sometimes things just drift. Despite preventive pillow talk and fierce conversations we were still frigid in our dealings with each other...you know, business-like and transactional. Not anything close to what we're used to.

These nomadic seasons of a marriage aren't without fruit. I sometimes feel that they cause you to step out of the thoughtless love and knee-jerk responses that can all too often characterize a dormant marriage on the porch of paralysis. They make me think before I act...and feel before I speak. I find myself taken back to the early days of our relationship when I wondered what she felt about me and if she really liked me like I liked her. I'm walking on the thin ice of someone else's soul, treading softly and tenderly again. I'm wanting to rush toward intimacy, but not wanting to scare her off with my passion. I'm more child-like in seasons like this...simple, altruistic, even innocent in my intentions.

I send out signals to see if they are met with a stiff or soft heart. I wait for reciprocation...a movement, a glace and piece of body language that speaks a thousand words. It feels like we're dating again...playful and surprising. A peck on the cheek sends the heart to racing. Little advances are gathered and stored in the heart by the bushel. This is just like it used to be, before everything starts getting familiar and programmatic, scripted and scheduled. This is how I want it to be...how it was meant to be.

I can't think of any other words to describe this feeling. All I know is that it's what makes life worth waking up for...it's what I want more days to feel like. I remember one time that Heidi said to me the words that my heart was dying to hear...

"I love what you're made of."

When I think of her this afternoon, here's the phrase that keeps coming to my mind...

"You are more than enough for me."

Heidi, I love you.

Comments

pianoman said…
jason, that was beautiful...

i'm sorry to be over-emotional, but that brought tears to my eyes...

one day soon - Lord willing - i'll be writing my own version of this blog...

:)
davidkropf said…
Thanks for this blog Jason! Even though I'm not even close to being in this deep of a relationship, I deffinately feel it... the passion that is. It's an encouragement to see a relationship that wont throw everything away due to momentary selfishness. Thanks again, for loving your wife.
David

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