Holy Week...
It's a big weekend. Good Friday. Holy Saturday. Easter. This Passion Week has been unique for me. I feel like I've suffered along with Jesus. I've tried, as best I can, to join him in his final days, his final hours.
I started a diet this week completely unrelated to Holy Week, but it's interested how much it's deepened the experience. Just feeling the pangs of hunger has caused my heart to bend toward Jesus. I don't know what fasting does to awaken the spirit, but it's mystical. It triggeres certain emotions that don't typically engage.
I've thought about the kind of Christ-follower I am. The thoughts haven't been all that pleasant. I feel like Peter, "following at a distance". I feel like Judas some days, "giving the kiss of betrayal". I feel like Thomas needing to "feel the nail-holes in his hands" before surrendering. I feel like James, "falling asleep" with his buddies when Jesus needed them most. And on many days, I feel like the rest of the disciples that aren't hardly menioned in the Scriptures...nameless, almost faceless...wandering about not getting in on the story, standing apart from the action. Carrying on, doing God stuff, making a difference...but still feeling like people don't know my name, like they don't know the real me.
So on this special week where I'm thinking upon the life and death and re-life of Christ...I'm joining him as I am, not as I wish I was. Because of that...I think I'm absorbing it more than I typically do. I really love Jesus. I want to be like Him.
I started a diet this week completely unrelated to Holy Week, but it's interested how much it's deepened the experience. Just feeling the pangs of hunger has caused my heart to bend toward Jesus. I don't know what fasting does to awaken the spirit, but it's mystical. It triggeres certain emotions that don't typically engage.
I've thought about the kind of Christ-follower I am. The thoughts haven't been all that pleasant. I feel like Peter, "following at a distance". I feel like Judas some days, "giving the kiss of betrayal". I feel like Thomas needing to "feel the nail-holes in his hands" before surrendering. I feel like James, "falling asleep" with his buddies when Jesus needed them most. And on many days, I feel like the rest of the disciples that aren't hardly menioned in the Scriptures...nameless, almost faceless...wandering about not getting in on the story, standing apart from the action. Carrying on, doing God stuff, making a difference...but still feeling like people don't know my name, like they don't know the real me.
So on this special week where I'm thinking upon the life and death and re-life of Christ...I'm joining him as I am, not as I wish I was. Because of that...I think I'm absorbing it more than I typically do. I really love Jesus. I want to be like Him.
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