I hear them in my head all day long.
"You're spending your time poorly."
"You'll never catch up."
"You're missing something."
"Do you know how many people you're letting down?"
"You're in over your head."
"You're going to lose your girls."
"Maybe you should give up before you fail miserably."
"You can't lead this thing."
"No one really knows you."
"You should be so much further along by now."
"You're doing that just to get attention."
"God is going to use your mistakes against you."
"Things are about to collapse any day now."
"Why do you keep doing that, you know better."
"You're running in circles, man."
"I wonder who you're going to disappoint today?"
"You're on your own, man."
Like a sulfer spring it bubbles up inside and fills your heart with a rotten egg aftertaste.
This verse in Revelation really hit my hard today. I was crying at Sozo just working through it's application for my life:
“Now have come the salvation and the power and the kingdom of our God,
and the authority of his Christ.
For the accuser of our brothers,
who accuses them before our God day and night,
has been hurled down.
11 They overcame him
by the blood of the Lamb
and by the word of their testimony;
they did not love their lives so much
as to shrink from death.
The accusations at night are the worst.
I feel like somewhere between waking and sleeping there is a liminal space that can really start believing these worm-tongued whispers of the Enemy. Deception leads to Confusion that leads to Doubt which leads to Fear. And like it says in James a man who doubts is like a wave driven of the sea and tossed. A double-minded man is unstable in all his ways. This instability can stop me dead in my tracks.
But the ability to overcome the accuser is what caused tears to flow today. The authority that comes through the blood of Christ is always a great reminder, but it was the "power of my testimony" that really pierced through the darkness. "The Authority of my Story" surprised me today as I wrote out some things in my testimony that overthrow the accusations of the Devil.
I sat down and went through key moments in my story where God came through for me. The times when he really showed up and was faithful in ways that are beyond a shadow of a doubt. I listed out my testimony and found the power and authority that comes with telling Satan what your testimony testifies about what is true. It cuts through the lies in any given circumstance or emotion and gives you a defense against Satan's accusations that seek to get you to forget where you've come from, which is only trumped by a realization of how far you've come.
He has no power when I remind him of where God has brought me and who I know I am in Christ. He is thrown down. And I don't shrink back to old patterns of doubt and disorientation. I am steadfast and immoveable.
So if you're being harassed by Satan, remember the blood of Christ and the story of yourself. Write it out and speak it out loud to the Enemy and watch him melt into a puddle like the wicked witch of the West. The flying monkeys will still occasionally freak you out, but that's another blog for another day.