old journal entries 2002 A.D. ...
I was playing outside with my daughter last week. She really wanted to play in the leaves…and inside…so did I! We bundled up and made our way to the front yard. The leaves were plentiful, colorful and beautiful. I started raking them into a massive pile while Kami sat there and watched in childlike awe. She was fixing to run and jump into the bed of nature and you could see the anticipation building in her little heart. I couldn’t wait to grab her hand, count to three and take the first step back into my childhood memories.
That’s why I love having children…they cause me to remember days of old when I still had wonder and awe over little things like leaves and stars and my dad’s ability to pick me up with the greatest of ease. Life was filled with anticipation and days seemed to last forever. You see, last night while I was thinking about who was going to claim the Senate…she was talking about Cubbies and whether the scrape on her knee would heal fast enough so that she could dance during band practice. While I’m thinking about the plight of our government, she is doing flips on the floor and following each flip by saying, “That was so cute!”. She doesn’t get it…or does she?
I finished raking the leaves into a pile and made my way up the hill to where my daughter was chomping at the bit to make the mad dash to ecstasy. I grabbed her hand, we counted to three and ran down the hill toward the great mound. We both jumped into the leaves and rolled around while laughing. I covered her up and she busted out of the leaves like a loosed prisoner! It was a blast!
After we played in the leaves for a while, I asked her if she wanted to climb the tree…I know…3 year olds aren’t supposed to scale trees, but I’m not bound to every presupposition that society arranges. I placed her in the tree and kept my hand on her until she was secure. I then climbed up with her and she sat on my lap and I told her stories. I shared with her how no one else could see us and that we were hidden from the world. She was loving it and so was I. The branches were such that I could lay back and she could lay on my chest…we laid there and talked about how good it was to be alive and to have so many fun things to do every day.
I want to be a family man. If I must fail, I don’t want it to be at home. I want to love my wife and my children with the first-fruits of my passion…and to come to the end of my life and say, “I was faithful.”